


Doug Dimmesdale's Dimma-Diary

by benadrill



Category: The Scarlet Letter - All Media Types
Genre: Did I?, SO, could i have made it good?, could i have put effort into this?, dimmesdale is an angsty teen, he probably listens to mcr and cries while writing in his diary, i can actually write i promise, i thought it was mildly entertaining though, maybe one day i'll revisit this and make it something worth reading, no, not even close, uwu, who knows - Freeform, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benadrill/pseuds/benadrill
Summary: Written for a school project.





	1. Chapter 1

Today I was forced to make a most onerous decision. The fate of a woman of my town, Hester Prynne, layed almost entirely in my hands. This would be an extremely difficult decision for any one man, but it was especially difficult for me due to my own involvement in her sin. If I were to be lenient and give Hester a less harsh punishment, it could have raised the people’s suspicions. However, I found that I was unable to be cruel to her. It pains me to have to punish her for something that is partially my own fault, but I simply cannot afford to expose myself. I asked that she state the name of her fellow sinner and prayed that she would not say my own name. She refused, and although I am relieved, I cannot bring myself to feel truly happy. I must live with a heavy conscience and the knowledge that I have evaded punishment at the cost of another, making me no better than any other sinner.


	2. Chapter 2

I went to Governor Bellingham’s mansion today. Hester was there with her, or rather, our child, Pearl. A number of men and myself were to decide whether Hester should be allowed to keep the child, or if the child should be sent away. After a while, it seemed as if the jury was in favor of sending the child off. Hester begged me to stand up for her. Pearl is simply an innocent victim to Hester’s and my sin. I could not bear to punish her for a crime she had no part in. I was able to convince the others that Pearl was both a gift from God and a punishment from Him. I am beginning to wonder if the child is a punishment for me also, for every day I see Pearl and Hester suffering, I am reminded that I was the one who condemned them to their fate.


	3. Chapter 3

Not long ago, a man claiming to be called Roger Chillingworth entered Boston. He has not caused any commotion and seems to be a good man. Recently, he has chosen me to be his “spiritual guide.” It has become my duty to help him find and follow the Lord’s path. Ordinarily I would be thrilled to help someone with their faith, but not now. I can tell that the people of Boston are suspicious of my failing health, and this man is a doctor. I fear that he may discover the true nature of my illness. Many doctors have already attempted to see me, but I have refused their help every time. After all the time I have spent with Chillingworth, I have come to enjoy this man’s presence. Nevertheless, I cannot tell him the truth.


	4. Chapter 4

My condition has worsened as of late. I have begun to allow Chillingworth to give me a limited amount of medical care. I feel quite wary these days. Chillingworth and I have had many enlightening conversations regarding sin and confessions. This leads me to believe that he has become especially suspicious of me. Why else, I ask myself, would he feel the need to dwell on this particular topic when there are far more relevant things to discuss? During one of our chats, I looked out my window to see Hester’s daughter, Pearl, playing in the graveyard. Chillingworth commented on her erratic behavior and I replied honestly, saying that she may not have the capacity to do good. Chillingworth was quite demanding today and we argued over the topic of my illness. I slept for a good while, but now that I have awakened, I feel that Chillingworth knows more than he should about my own self-punishment.


	5. Chapter 5

I did not sleep a wink last night, for I was keeping vigil at the very spot Hester was forced to suffer all those years ago. No matter how much I try, I cannot forgive myself for what I have done. However, I cannot alleviate my pain through confession. I am continuously punishing myself, but I feel no better than before. This cursed existence is driving me mad. In fact, during my vigil, I was so overcome by pain and emotion that I lost control of myself and cried out into the night. I thought for sure that my scream would have gathered attention, but there was no response. Later, my mentor, Reverend Wilson, passed by, and I asked that he spend some time with me during my vigil. I went unnoticed. In other, more disturbing news, I had a strange fantasy about my own death last night. I found myself so distraught by the product of my own mind that I could only laugh. Pearl and Hester stopped by that night, also. They spent time with me, giving me an energy I did not have before. While they were still with me, a meteor shower occurred, and when I looked to the sky, I swear on the Bible that I saw the letter A shining down on me from the heavens. Chillingworth eventually came to take me back to my home, but I saw something terrible in his eyes that night. I doubt I will be able to feel the same about him ever again.


	6. Chapter 6

While on a walk in the forest today, I was approached by Hester. She seemed different than she was several years ago, less lively and more reserved. She walked along with me for some time and we discussed how our lives have gone. She asked if I had found peace after I asked her the same. I answered honestly, telling her that I have felt nothing but guilt and despair. She also revealed to me that Chillingworth, a man I thought to be a trusted friend, was her husband. I must confess that I lost my temper and berated Hester, blaming her for the anguish which, when considered, is only my own fault. Hester drew me into a deep embrace in response to my harsh words. I came to the conclusion that Chillingworth is a greater sinner than either of us and forgave Hester. I told her my concerns regarding the doctor. He knows that Hester planned to reveal to me his identity, which means that he could potentially expose us to the public. Hester urged me not to worry, but also asked that I do not live with him any longer. We made plans to sail to Europe with Pearl and live together as a family. Hester told me that I could start anew in a place where I would not be burdened by the guilt of my sin and the stress of keeping it a secret. Although I still doubt my worthiness of her kindness, I look forward to our plans together and pray that all will go well.


	7. Chapter 7

Today is a most joyous day indeed! Although my health has not improved, I feel more energized than ever before! With our escape plan having been made, both Hester and I were overcome with joy. Hester tore the letter, the source of all her despair, from her bosom and threw it to the ground. She let down her hair and the sun shone upon her, casting an angelic light upon her face. I know in my weary and burdened heart that I love this woman, no matter if it is right or wrong. We spoke about Pearl, and Hester called the child over to where we stood.


	8. Chapter 8

As Pearl joined our conversation, the mood immediately shifted. The child seemed not to recognize her mother without the scarlet letter. Hester felt obligated to return the letter to its position on her dress for the sake of her daughter. As she refastened the letter, a grey cloud of sorrow swept over her, and any trace of joy from before disappeared. Only then would Pearl cross the river to join us. She hugged and kissed her mother, who then urged her to do the same to me. She did, however, when I turned down her idea to walk into town together, she ran off, attempting to wipe my kiss off her face.


	9. Chapter 9

I left the woods before Hester and Pearl and headed to the town which was once so familiar to me. Everything feels strange now, like I am a stranger in an unknown land. I feel so much happier now that I may as well be an entirely different man. I made small conversation with a few different people as I walked home, but my responses felt forced, like they came from someone else. I fought the urge to push them onto a path of sin. They do not need to be influenced by my sinful words. However, I am no longer Reverend Dimmesdale, the holy and pious man of God. I am Arthur, a man free to think and say what he pleases with no worries of how the public may react and no reputation to uphold. I told Chillingworth that his medical care would no longer be necessary. I know that he is wary of me now, but I cannot bring myself to care.


	10. Chapter 10

I feel as though a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I will be giving the Election Day sermon soon. I feel that I may never be able to give a better one for as long as I live. My interaction with Hester and Pearl in the woods was truly inspiring. So inspiring, in fact, that I was compelled to write an entirely new sermon when I returned home. My words feel as though they were my own, not something I learned and am simply repeating to the masses. It is of my own (and admittedly slightly biased) opinion that these words will touch the hearts of all who listen.


	11. Chapter 11

It is almost time to present my sermon. Even as I write this, I feel my health failing, my strength slipping away from me. I know that will not survive much longer like this. I must do what I can today, for it is probable that I will never have another chance. I know what I must do. I will stand atop the scaffold and confess my sin to all of Boston. It is the only way I can have eternal rest. Despite knowing that I will soon die, I am not afraid. I only ask that I am not mourned, for this is the fate I have earned myself. Instead, I simply wish to be forgiven. No, not even that. All I want is to be heard. I want the people of Boston to know the truth, to know who I really am before I am gone. I place my soul in the hands of the Lord with the hope that I live long enough to say all which must be said.


End file.
